The Turning Point of my Life....March 1997

Three months had passed by so swiftly and now it was March 1997. The O'Level (SPM) results were been released. I was very excited as I just wanted to know how well I performed in my exams. I had dreams like other youngsters that I will be going to a university and that means I needed to score real good results.

The Convent Kajang School had its gates been opened for students to collect their results. I was one of them who walked into the school and every time I made one step, my heart beat grew stronger with fear but I chanted my prayer to keep myself calm. As I was nearing the examination room, I could hear loud screams of joy and also disappointed cries. My mind became confused and I wasn't able to really control my emotions. I walked down to my teacher and took my results. She smiled weakly and never uttered a word of "Congratulations!" but instead she said, "Meena, you have given your best. Be brave and find a way to continue your days." I wasn't sure why she was saying such things and therefore I opened up the result sheet.

My eyes did not believe the results and I felt some form of pain in my heart. I held back my tears and controlled my disappointed feelings. I smiled unhappily and walked out as fast as I could from the school. As I was walking out, my legs started running for rescue and as I reached the gate, I saw two man waiting for me eagerly with hope that I have scored flying colors. That's when I felt like I had this sharp arrow pierced into my heart as I knew I was not ready to tell them that I only managed to complete my O'Level with a SAP result. The only grade "A"was given for my English Language.

My favourite god grandfather, late Mr.Muniandy and my dad were in a conversation. But as they saw me walking towards them in such slow motion, they knew exactly what my result was. I could not control my heavy tears and cries. I hugged my dad and cried all my heart out. For the very first time in my life, I could not hide my painful heart. I was feeling so weak and could not forgive myself for not producing flying colour results. Everything around me were turning dark and I felt as though I dropped into the deep tunnel. I went further from the reality and I was so depressed with my results. Not a minute did I not blame myself but indeed felt useless. My mind could no longer function in the right direction and I felt so down and out. They both knew I was upset only because I worked with my heart and soul to really do well in the finals of O'Level. After a while, I could no longer feel anything in me. I felt numb and blank. I could no longer hear my dad's positive advice as it faded from time to time.

By the time I reached home, my mum was already been informed. I arrived at home and just walked up to my room. I refused to talk to anyone. I did not want to answer any phone calls and I just wanted to be alone. So I went into my own igloo and cried hugging my favourite pillow. Dad came in and hugged me with so much of love although he was hurt to see me so down. Yet, his encouraging words made me feel blessed even at the most difficult time. I remember him saying, "Girl, I know it's hurting for you to receive such results as you have worked very hard. But God must be having a valid reason. I don't know what it is but some day you will know the answer. We will always be there for you and appa will see that you are ok in life. You still remain as my favourite daughter." He kept talking with positive words until I felt asleep.

Later about 3 pm, mum came home. She woke me up with a smile and told me that I needed to have my meal. I was motionless and my non-verbal signs gave her an understanding that nothing made sense to me anymore. Nevertheless, she pulled me up from my bed with lots of love, hugs and sweet kisses. She brought me to wash up and took me down stairs. She made some food and fed me with so much of compassion. As she was talking, tears were rolling down my eyes although I could not voice out my true feelings deep down my heart. I could not scream and cry out my heart anymore but I was drowning in the depressed world. She still never gave up instead kept talking to me positively and kept telling me that everything was going to be fine. Most of all, she gave me assurance that these results did not bring any distance between me and my family. It's just a test from God and in years to come, I will achieve my dreams. She continue by saying, "Meenu, all those people with fantastic grades do not always really come up in life compared to the ones like you. Average students are the ones who will struggle but yet achieve their dreams. Look at your dad, he is a grade 2 student but today he is a doctor and a well-known person in the community. Life is a challenge - face it with courage. Have faith in God and just surrender to the Almighty. HE will take good care of you."

Today, it's been 11 years since that day and my parents' words came true. I'm happy and I have achieved my childhood dreams and I'm more successful than what I thought I would be. Something’s happened for a reason and this moment was a turning point of my life. God had a plan for me......that's for sure!